The Middle Is The New Beginning
The Age When Age Doesn't Matter
Last year I had a very telling dream which I’ll never forget, as it
marked an important shift in my life. At that time, I was staying at a
friend’s house in Tempe, AZ. She had invited me to attend a summit
organized by the company she works for as a business coach. I had the
dream the night before we were supposed to attend the registration
event, which would be followed by a business Meet & Mix. One of my
goals for that event was to network and generate new business
opportunities.
In the dream, I was attending an event or
gathering with this friend of mine. During the event, she was trying to
hook me up with a man; so she approached a cute young guy and pointed me
to him. At first he seemed interested; but the room was dark, so he saw
mostly my silhouette and pleasing body shape. But when he approached
and saw me at close range, he became distant and dry, barely polite. He
then pulled my friend to the side and told her he wasn’t interested,
after all. And I knew it was because I looked too old and not as
attractive anymore.
Needless to say, I didn’t have a great
feeling of confidence when I woke up the next morning, or when I finally
attended the business mixer for real that evening. At 56, I feel
comfortable with my looks (or so I thought); I actually believe I look
good for my age; maybe even a bit younger than my years. I’m also
happily married and certainly not “looking.” In addition, I’m aware that
dreams such as this one are never literal, so I knew that my
subconscious was clearly pointing to another kind of insecurity through
my dream. It’s no coincidence that I had this dream the night before
attending the business mixer, and I came to realize something important:
I was wrapping my age and attractiveness around my perception of how
professionally marketable I am these days, or how much more I should be
aiming to expand my professional role and business ideas at my age. I
realized that, in spite of everything I’ve accomplished in my life so
far, and everything I’m still in the process of accomplishing, I had
bought into the “I’m too old and my life is pretty much over now that
I’m menopausal” cultural myth, and was having a hard time finding (or
acknowledging) my new place in the world. In other words, the insecurity
and self-doubt were related to how attractive I perceived I was (or
perhaps wasn’t anymore) as a career professional or entrepreneur.
Although
this stigma felt real to me at the time, and still is very real for
many, things have certainly changed a lot from the times when people
(women in particular) were expected to hang up their boots at a certain
age. With trending attitudes such as “50’s are the new 40’s,” “60’s are
the new 50’s,” etc, we see more and more middle-aged people embarking on
self-discovery journeys, going above and beyond normal expectations for
their age group and even becoming inspirational leaders in many
different industries. In fact, we could say that the middle has become
the new beginning. It’s the new mid-life phase when a lot of people find
themselves finally free of life’s incumbencies and choose to take bold
steps towards a journey of self-empowerment, by being true to themselves
and claiming their own place in the world.
WHAT TO DO?
Once
I realized what the issue was, I started doing some research and trying
a few different approaches to address it. Here are some of the steps
that have worked well for me (and I hope will work for you, too):
- Get confident. The
truth is that’s it’s a younger world out there; so how can you compete
with Millennials and younger gens? The answer is: it’s not a
competition. By the way, I love Millennials. They are fearless. Their
generation has the finger right on the sore spots of our current
society; they point out everything that’s seriously wrong with the
world, and in dire need of change. And they are certainly better
equipped to deal with technology and its consequential overload of
information and stimuli than we are, among other things. On the other
hand, we bring the kind of life experience that younger people can only
dream of at this point in their lives; and that includes how to be a
(mostly) functional adult. So we actually can work well together and
help each other.
- Get some perspective. This
brings me to another important point in relation to how we can sabotage
ourselves, and that is our tendency to compare ourselves; and not just
to Millennials and other younger generations, but also to anyone else
whom we perceive as having achieved more and become more successful than
we are at our own age. If the goal of the comparison were meant as a
form of inspiration, that would be just fine. But that kind of
comparison is often loaded with guilt, shame and self-deprecation for
not having done more with our lives, which can often feed into our
insecurity and self-doubt, and in turn lead to feeling paralyzed and
afraid to move forward. So stop comparing yourself to others! You are a
unique individual, and your path is meant to be different than anyone
else’s. Remember, only you can do what you do just the way you do it!
- Get healthy. This
should be the next step, before moving forward with your goals. For
instance, if you’re suffering from the many symptoms that come with
menopause (namely, hormonal imbalances that cause mood changes,
insomnia, lack of energy, hot flashes, etc), do some research about
hormone replacement therapy, diet and exercise, and everything else that
can help balance your hormones. In my case, along with dietary and
other life-style changes, I decided to try a plant-based progesterone
cream which has been working quite well for me.
If you have other (or
more serious) health challenges, this step is even more important. Do
what you know you need to do to achieve and maintain a healthy state of
mind, body and spirit, to the best of your ability and circumstances.
- Get self-care. Although
this is part of getting healthy, it deserves special emphasis due to
the fact that many of us neglect ourselves in that department. We are so
used to putting everyone else’s needs first, that giving priority to
our well-being (which includes our own career goals and life paths)
might sound like an alien concept. So spend time and resources doing
those things that you know make you feel much better and help maintain
your sanity. Yes, it’s ok to finally put yourself first.
- Get updated. To
become more marketable and effective, it’s a good idea to find out what
would help you get even better at what you do or have done in the past,
and then go for it. Take classes, watch webinars, get some training on
new technology, etc; and have fun in the process! Learning keeps your
brain young.
- Get busy. Rather than getting
lost in all the planning and list-making, take some solid steps. As
Marie Forleo suggests, focus on progress and results, instead of
perfection.
By the way, if you consider yourself a perfectionist, you might want to read the article below.
Becoming a Functional Perfectionist
http://www.theragicenter.com/giseles-blog/becoming-a-functional-perfectionist
- Get support. No
one can do it alone! Join a group or create one yourself, enroll in
community activities and events, volunteer, etc. Also, reach out to
successful professionals in your field. Choose your role models and
mentors carefully, however. Are they all about image? Look for
authenticity!
- Get going. The Dalai Lama said
that the “Western women will save the world.” There’s no question that a
powerful revolution has begun; it’s all around us. So you can start by
asking the following question: What do you believe your place or role in
this revolution is? What’s been tugging at your heartstrings for a
while? It doesn’t have to be big to be meaningful!
- FINAL THOUGHT: Get gutsy and get started! After all, what do you have to lose?
© Gisele Marasca-Vargas; 02/07/2019
theragicenter.com
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