I FEAR...
And I Also Love
Which Wins More Often?
Fear
can be all-consuming. As I sat at my desk, trying to come up with a
theme for my end-of-the-month blog article (having left this task to the
last minute, no less), I realized that I was having trouble thinking
due to fear.
Dorian, a Category 4 hurricane, was originally
expected to hit land by this Sunday evening and come straight for us
(thankfully, now it seems that it won’t touch land, after all). And that
brought up all kinds of fear. Fear of losing power (and staying without
power for a week or more in the heat and humidity of the Florida
Summer, as it happened when Irma hit us a couple of years ago). Fear of
our old roof sinking in or being blown away. Fear of bodily harm. Fear
of something happening to our loved ones. Fear of the TNR cats around
our home being harmed or killed. Fear of the large oak trees in our
front yard falling on top of our house or car. Fear of hearing about the
aftermath of the hurricane, which always includes deaths and massive
destruction. Fear of not finding basic necessities, including drinking
water. And so on.
With fear, many physical and emotional
sensations follow, such as shortness of breath and a constricted
sensation on the chest; cold hands and feet; brain fog… Feeling tired
and drained without knowing exactly why… Uneasiness, tension,
irritability… Helplessness, hopelessness… And so forth.
Once
triggered, fear breaks down into other fears: being in the wrong place
at the wrong time; not being or doing enough; not being in control;
feeling lost and confused, not knowing the way; making mistakes; losing
those we love, including our animal companions; becoming irrelevant and
disposable…
Then it expands into more-encompassing fears: going
through the next economic crash, which is sure to come; not having
enough to survive; the next mass shooting; the current trend of
self-serving, narcissistic leaders everywhere in the world; hearing more
horrible news about neglect, harm and suffering being inflicted on
people, animals and other living beings, the planet; polluted earth,
air, water; our self-destructiveness as a race; the end of the world as
we know it…
Many years ago, I wrote a poem about the pervading presence of fear:
FEAR
Fear of being seen, fear of getting involved, fear
Of the consequences, fear of the causes, fear of feeling too much,
Fear of not feeling at all, fear of letting it out, fear of keeping it in,
Fear of getting to know, fear of being in the dark, fear
Of the pain, fear of the joy, fear of life, fear of death, fear of myself,
Fear of you, fear of us together,
Then apart,
Transcendental,
Overwhelming, incapacitating, powerful, raw, fear.
©2000 Gisele Marasca
How
do we deal with fear? According to Elisabeth Kubler Ross: “There are
only two emotions: love and fear. All positive emotions come from love,
all negative emotions from fear. From love flows happiness, contentment,
peace, and joy. From fear comes anger, hate, anxiety and guilt. It's
true that there are only two primary emotions, love and fear. But it's
more accurate to say that there is only love or fear, for we cannot feel
these two emotions together, at exactly the same time. They're
opposites. If we're in fear, we are not in a place of love. When we're
in a place of love, we cannot be in a place of fear.”
I believe
that one of the most powerful ways to live love and let go of fear is
through gratitude. So I wrote the poem below around the same time I
wrote Fear:
THANK YOU
Thank you for the uncertainty
which makes me search for answers;
For the ignorance
which compels me to learn;
Thank you for the struggles
which make me grow;
For the sorrow which gives me depth;
Thank you for the doubts and indecisions
which cause me to think, choose and take action;
For the courage which drives me to take risks;
Thank you for glimpses of beauty
when ugliness surrounds me;
For light in the darkness;
For air, for earth, for water;
For trust, for beliefs, for faith;
For the friends I can be myself with;
For everything corny, mushy and over the top;
For love! Thank you for the love in me
and for the love around me;
Thank you for first times and second chances;
Thank you for fleeting moments and long pauses;
Thank you for smiles and laughs and music;
For hopes and dreams,
For inspiration,
For passion,
For ecstasy,
For life!
Thank you for me.
©2000 Gisele Marasca
As
I reminded myself of how to balance fear with love, I started listing
many of the things I have to be grateful for (including the fact that
Dorian isn’t going to touch land anymore, and that I live in a safe and
sturdy home inland). I also reminded myself of all the help and support
we had from friends and family after Hurricane Irma, such as ice bags, a
loaned generator for the fridge and a couple of fans, invitations to
work and have meals at their homes, etc (we were also invited by several
people to stay over, but we had to stay home to care for our 12 pets
and rescues). And life started coming into perspective again…
FINAL THOUGHT: Every single moment of our lives, we are given the choice between love and fear. Which one are we choosing most often?
© Gisele Marasca-Vargas; 08/31/2019
Photo by M.T ElGassier on Unsplash
